When I first moved abroad more than 20 years ago, I was ready for the adventure of a lifetime - new culture, new people, new opportunities.

What I wasn't ready for was sitting alone in my new apartment, staring at IKEA furniture I'd proudly assembled myself (I'm quite handy, but let's not talk about my cooking skills), and realising that silence has a way of amplifying loneliness.  

It turns out that building a life in a new country isn't all croissants at corner cafés or breezy canal rides. For expats, creating a sense of belonging takes work. And while we don't talk about it enough, finding your place in a new community is essential for happiness, health, and sometimes even your sanity.  

Here's how I learned how to build a community as an expat - and why it's worth every awkward conversation and mispronounced local phrase.

Why Belonging Matters (Especially as an Expat) 

Let's start with the obvious: being an expat can be lonely.

When you moved away you left behind friends, family, and that go-to café where they knew your order before you even said a word. In their place, you've gained a different currency, confusing bureaucracy, and a deep appreciation for Google Translate.

Even the smallest things - like finding your new favourite café, settling into routines, or hunting down the brands you love at the supermarket - become unexpected challenges. It's the kind of effort that makes you realise just how much the familiar anchors your life.   

We humans are wired for connection. Belonging doesn't just make life more enjoyable; it's vital for our mental and physical well-being. Studies show that having strong social ties can reduce stress, boost happiness, and even help you live longer. I've written before about the importance of community and how it shapes our health and longevity (for instance in The Power of Belonging - How Community Shapes Our Health and Longevity), and for expats, building community is the lifeline that turns "just visiting" into "I'm home." 

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The Challenges of Building Community Abroad   

Building a community as an expat comes with unexpected hurdles. One of the biggest is the language barrier. I remember moving to Alaska in my 20s as a grad student and feeling like my personality had shifted - I couldn't fully express myself, which was isolating. I was not as funny as i was back home. Mistakes and mispronunciations might break the ice, but they also remind you how much of a stranger you feel.  

Another challenge is the transient nature of expat life. Just as you form connections, someone moves on, making relationships feel fleeting. Add cultural differences and the constant learning curve - finding a dentist, registering for services, or simply asking for help - and it can feel overwhelming.   

Yet, these challenges are part of the process.

And with perseverance, connection isn't just possible - it's well within reach.  

How to Build Your Expat Community   

I'm not going to give you a list of bullet points or suggest things like joining a random salsa class to make friends - although, to be fair, that did work for me once.

Instead, I'm going to start with the most important advice.

Have the courage to reach out!  

This might sound simple, but it's often the hardest step. Building a community as an expat requires putting yourself out there in ways that can feel uncomfortable. It means walking up to someone at an event, introducing yourself to your neighbours, or saying yes to a dinner invitation when your instinct might be to curl up with Netflix instead. The truth is, a lot of the barriers to connection are internal. We worry about being judged, misunderstood, or even rejected.  

But here's the thing: you're not someone trying to fit in.

You're bringing something unique to the table.

Your perspective, experiences, and culture are assets. Arm yourself with a positive attitude and the knowledge that you have something to offer.  

As an expat, you might even enrich someone's life with your perspectives and insights - offering a gift to the local community you're entering. Your different way of seeing the world can spark curiosity, foster understanding, and add depth to the connections you build.   

When you approach new situations with this mindset, the act of reaching out becomes less about trying to "fit in" and more about offering value to the community you're stepping into. Whether it's sharing stories about your home country, cooking a dish that reminds you of home, or simply listening with curiosity, you have the power to create meaningful connections.  

Yes, it can be awkward.

Yes, it requires courage and a lot of energy.

But the rewards- friendships, a sense of belonging, and a community that supports you - are well worth the effort. And while there may be missteps along the way, they're part of the process.  

So, forget the over-complicated strategies and focus on this: take a deep breath, gather your courage, and reach out. You'll be surprised at how often the person on the other side is just as eager to connect as you are.  

Finding Your Balance 

Building community isn't about losing yourself in the process; it's about finding harmony between embracing your new culture and staying true to who you are and what you need to create your "tribe." It's okay to crave the comforts of home - whether that's a favourite dish, a familiar playlist, or FaceTiming friends back home.   

At the same time, lean into the quirks of your new environment. You might find that the local way of life has something to teach you, whether it's the Dutch obsession with cycling or the Greek habit of long, leisurely meals (dinner starts at midnight?!).

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Let's Wrap This Up   

Belonging doesn't happen overnight, but it does happen - slowly, in moments big and small.

It's the neighbour who invites you over for coffee, the stranger who helps you navigate the train system, or the local who laughs at your pronunciation but appreciates the effort.  

And let's not forget: no matter where you are, every place has its good and less good sides. It's easy to romanticise the idea of life abroad or get caught up in comparisons, but every city, town, or country has its quirks and imperfections.

The trick is finding the parts that resonate with you - the café where the barista smiles at you every morning, the park bench where you feel at peace, or the little rituals that make your day feel complete.

To all the expats out there feeling a bit lost, remember this: you're not alone.

Whether you're stumbling through a new language or attending a community yoga class, every step you take toward connection is a step toward belonging. And here's the real perk of moving places and becoming an expat: every step also has the potential to enrich your life in ways you might not have imagined.

Sometimes, the imperfections of a place - and the experiences they lead to - are what truly make it feel like home.  

Lots of love,

Stina

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